


Roses Are Red but Pygmy Puffs Are Pink

by EliMorgan



Series: Shots and Shorts [11]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crossover Pairings, F/F, F/M, Honeydukes, MMF Bingo 19, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 08:10:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18988708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliMorgan/pseuds/EliMorgan
Summary: Jane's reluctance to leave a mischievous Darcy alone in Hogsmeade leads to possibly her worst decision to date.





	Roses Are Red but Pygmy Puffs Are Pink

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, again!
> 
> It's time for Marvelously Magical Bingo 2019!  
> I'm excited. Are you?
> 
> Let's kick it off with B1, which for me was 'Honeydukes'. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but I still like it. Enjoy!
> 
> Love, Eliza x
> 
> P.S. Someone please tell me if my Americanisms are terrible. Please.

“Come on, Darce--we don’t have all day, you know!”

Darcy plonked the jar of cockroach clusters back on the shelf and frowned in Jane’s general direction, already distracted by something new. “Janey, Janey, Jane. You spend all day in a lab studying “Science!” and unravelling the mysteries of the universe but when something genuinely miraculous happens, you don’t even bother to look!” As an example, she pulled an ever-changing lollipop from the shelf and brandished it in front of her friend’s face. “This one has a different flavour each time you lick it! Can you explain that, huh? Can you?”

Jane rolled her eyes, snatching the weapon from Darcy’s hand and shooting the shopkeeper an apologetic smile. “Gobstoppers do the exact same thing,” she chastised, attempting to steer Darcy through the door with a hand on her arm. 

“Gobstoppers aren’t  _ magic _ , Janey. I feel like you’re not getting what I’m going for, here.”

Apparently realising that Darcy wasn’t going to budge, Jane released her and sighed. “You’re right. I am absolutely  _ not _ . I am also really regretting bringing you on this trip, sweetie - you’re embarrassing me.” At Darcy’s petulant look, she folded her arms. “What? You  _ are _ . We’re here at Minister Bones’s invitation and because you’re in here, messing about, I’m going to be late!”

“Then go?” Darcy shrugged. “I can entertain myself, and I don’t really want to third-wheel on your little study date, anyway.”

“It is not a date!” Jane hissed, but the tinge of pink in her cheeks gave her away. Darcy chuckled, pushing at Jane’s shoulder. 

“Get outta here, Doc-lady. Go talk science with Boss-Lady Bones. I’ll just go check out that shop down the street - the one with the dragon outside it. It’ll be fine.”

Apparently unconvinced - or, rather, supremely unconvinced, from the way she blanched - Jane hissed, “That’s a  _ joke shop _ , Darcy! If you think I’m letting you go in there on your own - God, you get in enough trouble with a stapler, never mind a  _ love potion _ . Remember when you and Clint saran-wrapped every opening in the Penthouse? Poor Tony was lost, it took  _ days  _ to find and remove all of it.”

“Okay, first of all, ‘Poor Tony’? Are you really going there? The man had just broken our coffee machine. Yes, Jane,  _ broken _ . I don’t care if you think it was an ‘upgrade’, okay, it refused to make me a cappuccino because my blood sugar was a little high that day.  _ Nobody needs a judgy coffee machine!  _ And, second of all, that was hilarious, but not as hilarious as when we moved all of the furniture in Fury’s apartment two inches to the left, so you should really lead with that one in the future.”

Her boss was going purple. It was a really concerning sight. “See, this is what I mean! You’re a menace as it is, it would be  _ irresponsible  _ to add magic to the mix, my god, I should never have introduced you to Clint, and now I’m even  _ more  _ late--”

Someone cleared their throat, cutting off Jane’s tirade. “Sorry, we couldn’t help but overhear you,” said a redhead - the hottest redhead Darcy had ever seen, and she grew up in Irish territory - tapping on Jane’s shoulder. “I think we can help you out. I’m Fred, and this is George.”

“No, I’m Fred, and  _ this  _ is George,” another man - identical, complete with sexy blue eyes and shaggy red hair, except for a scar where one of his ears should have been - said, appearing on Darcy’s other side with an amiable smile. In an undertone, he added with a wink, “he gets confused, don’t mind him. Anyway, as we were saying--”

“--we overheard that you had some concerns about leaving this lovely lady to fend for herself,” the other one - Fred, or George, maybe? The first Fred, anyway. 

“Well,” Second Fred said, puffing up his chest, “today is your lucky day! We own that shop--”

“And we couldn’t possibly have anyone getting into trouble in it--”

“Bad for business, see--”

“So, for one day only--”

“Today, that is, and only because she’s quite fit--”

“We’re offering to take her off your hands for a few hours.”

“Show her the ropes.”

“Keep her out of trouble.”

“Or,  _ too much _ trouble, anyway.”

“Is there any such thing as ‘too much’ trouble, Gred?”

“No idea, Forge. Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

“Right you are. Chocolate?”

This last bit was said to Jane, as Second Fred held a bar of Honeydukes’ Finest beneath her nose. Jane looked dizzy, and Darcy didn’t blame her; she looked between the two men with suspicion. They were pretty enough, she supposed, but the way they railroaded Janey like professionals told her that they would be a handful.

First Fred gave her a wink. Okay, upgrade from ‘hot’ to ‘scorching’, and then double that, because twins. So… panty-melting levels of hotness, over here.

And evil genius, too, because when Janey didn’t look like she would bite, First Fred whispered in a sing-song voice, not too quietly, that, “Sea-salt is Susan’s favourite...”

Looking torn, Jane nibbled at her lip. “Oh, I don’t know…”

“Go on, Janey,” Darcy encouraged her. The twins nodded eagerly out of the corner of her eyes. “I promise not to buy anything too bad. Just, maybe, like… the magical equivalent of a whoopee-cushion. And a joy-buzzer or two.”

“You have our word of honour that we won’t let her buy any more than that,” Second Fred intoned, solemnly, his eyes sparkling madly. 

Jane looked between them for a moment, eyes narrowed. “You swear?”

Darcy held out her pinkie. “On our friendship.”

They shook, twisting their fingers together and slamming them downwards. When they seperated, the lines under Jane’s eyes had relaxed. “Okay, I’d better go. Be  _ good _ .” With that, she hustled out of the shop, and Darcy turned back to her escorts.

“You don’t really have to do this, you know,” she told them, matter-of-factly. “I’m a grown woman.”

“Oh, we know,” First Fred said with a playful leer.

“But we want to,” Second Fred added. “Anything to help a fellow prankster. Now, tell us more about this ‘saran-wrap’...”

* * *

Several hours later, Jane let herself into their room above the Three Broomsticks and froze as her foot hit a box. The contented smile she’d been wearing since she left Susan at the door dropped from her face at the sight of dozens of purple and orange boxes littered around their room.

“ _ Darcy Lewis!”  _ she shrieked, horrified. Her assistant’s head popped up from the bed, a sheepish grin on her face as she faced her boss’s wrath. 

“Okay, it’s not what it looks like…”

“Did you  _ buy all of this?  _ After you  _ pinkie swore?!” _

“No,” she drew the word out, chewing on her cheek. “They were, kind of… gifts?”

“Gifts,” Jane repeated, faintly. Something in one of the boxes moved, rustling, and she took a quick step back. Darcy blushed, and for the first time, Jane took in her appearance. Rumpled hair, misbuttoned shirt--

“Darcy, is that a hickey?!”

Laughing, Darcy fell back into a pile of, what Jane now saw was, vibrating pink and purple fluff balls, interspersed with shiny purple Honeydukes wrappers. “Oh, Janey - I think I’m in love!”


End file.
